I’ve moved on. In a BIG way.

I am sitting here on my couch in my NEW apartment. Ya that’s right. I moved into my own apartment. First time out of my parents house (other then to a Dorm in college) and I’m officially a grown-up. J and I moved in on Saturday. We love it. Every bit of it. Mostly because it’s ours and we really don’t have to listen to anyone else anymore. It’s nice. We’re still in the process of unpacking and arranging things because we both have to work on top of moving. Fun Fun. I know.

Just thought I’d let everyone know. That’s where I’ve been the past few days. Before/after pictures to come shortly. Stay Tuned. You’d be amazed at this apartment, and what we are paying for it.

:0)

True Life: I’m going to fat camp

So I have been MIA for a few weeks. And for good and bad reasons. in the past 3 weeks I have:

• Quit my job as a nanny
• Found & started a new job @ Walgreens
• Found an apartment that I will be moving into on Saturday
• Found out some serious bad news from the Doctor
• Received my settlement and paid off all my debt except 2 student loans
• Practically moved in at J’s
• Gone Kayaking! (Twice) –Once
• in a calm pond and another 5 hour–14 mile trip down the Neuse–
• Realized how much weight I’ve gained in the past 6 months (55lbs–I know! Gasp)
• Switched Birth Control & Antidepressants

I wish I could go to fat camp for 3 months. I would do nothing but eat healthy food and work out. That would be so great. Too bad I can’t. I just don’t have the will power to do it on my own. I’ve gained 55lbs in 6 month. 6 months I was a size 8 at the most. Now I can barely fit into my size 14 pants I just bought. I have never been this big in my entire life. I have never been this unhappy in my entire life. I wonder if they could be linked. Ehh probably somewhat, not entirely, but it’s definatly not helping the situation at all. My size is causing so many issues with my health. My cholesterol is dangerously high. I am now a type 2 diabetic. My body aches no matter what I do. I can barely walk up and down the steps without getting out of breath. Pitiful, I know. I hate it. I hate every second of it. I miss working out. I miss being able to wear all my cute summer dresses, and my favorite jeans. I miss wearing tank tops without my chicken wings flapping in the breeze. I miss being able to wear my favorite red cheerleading shorts and a wife beater and actually turning a few heads. (Whorish? Ya somewhat, but I liked how it felt to get the attention) I miss being able to go to the store and finding clothes that fit without having to go into double digits or XL or plus size. I miss shopping at The Body Shop–Cute cheap clothes, what could be better?! Ohh if the sizes went about a 9 or Large. I miss looking in the mirror and not wanting to bawl my eyes out.

• Check this out:
  Before (July, 2007)–I know it’s sideways, but you get the point.
  



• Now, April 2008
  
• My Goal –Hopefully by August
  

♥

I need your help

Yes, this is serious.  I am asking complete strangers for advice on my future.

What should I do. Currently anything is possible. I am completely lost. I have no idea what I’d like to do.

Ideas please. Open to anything at this point.

Maybe another day…

It seems in almost every blog as of lately bloggers are making lists of the things they love. Unfortunatly for me my list of things I love is pretty short, and the list of things I “don’t love” –I don’t say Hate, it is such a harsh word–seems endless. Honestly this depresses me. Severely.

Spring is in the air pt. 3

I’m losing my mind. Honestly who leaves a list like this for someone to do?! I mean come on. I’ve got all but a few items done. Just some last minute picking up, and a quick flick of the mop all over the house one last time and I’ll call it good.

For now though I am trying to escape hell, I mean my job. It’s very hard for me to get away from work. It’s not like most jobs where you wake up in the morning take your shower, blow dry & straighten your hair, blah blah blah whatever you do in the morning. Drive to work–have that extra 10-15-sometimes even longer time to listen to the lame radio shows or that bangin (yes I used the word bangin) new play list you just loaded on your Ipod. Get there do whatever you do. Teach a class, read some e-mail, take a few phone calls, whatever it may be. Do it for a few hours take a lunch break possible smoke breaks every couple hours. Then the last bell rings (for teachers), the clock you have been watching since you walked in finally switched from 4:59 to 5:00. (for some maybe earlier/later) But then you get to go home.

You actually get to get into your car, van, truck, suv, hop on your bike for those greenies out there and go home. Yea you may have to sit in traffic to 2 hours just to go 4 blocks but you can go home grab a glass of wine and turn on the television, and your work day is over. Granted you may have children who need you or pets or whatever, but work work is done, and your HOME.

Not me. I got the shitty deal. I get up every morning roll out of bed, lucky to brush my teeth, immediately I have 2 boys and a needy mom throwing demands at me. From get my clothes, to make me breakfast, to Heather can you make a pot of coffee. All within about 5 minutes of waking up. Its pretty hectic for the first 30 minutes, up until the oldest jumps out of my car in front of the school. Then it’s just the beast and I. I call him the beast only because this kid is. He runs and jumps and falls and doesn’t get hurt. EVER. He’s like super kid! Anyway, if its Tuesday or Thursday we go to Dunkin Donuts he gets his usual (Regular Glaze) and I get mine Small Coffee black and Plain cream cheese on a plain bagel. We sit down and enjoy our breakfast. Then 9:30 comes along and it’s time for pre-school. Ahh Freedom until 12:30. Sort of. I usually get home and have orders barked at me from Mom. (Not my mom) Where’s this. Can you get this. Do this. Do that. Then I usually clean the house, which is a whole other story. It’s a never ending day until about 8:30ish, when I am “off duty” however living in the same house you are NEVER “off duty” EVER!!!!!! EVERR!!!!! Can you tell I’m bitter?!

Monday, Wednesday, Friday is a completely different story I drop the oldest off at school and then its the beast and I all day. All day with a needy 3 year old who refuses to entertain himself long enough for me to use the restroom. Yeah. It’s a little too much.

This doesn’t even begin to touch the bitching I can do about this job. But it is all I’ll do for now.

Thanks for listening. :0)

Spring is in the air pt. 2

So earlier I mentioned how beautiful it is here in North Carolina right now. I may have also mentioned a never ending cleaning list that is to be done before the family returns home Thursday night from Aruba. For those of you who aren’t aware, I am a full time live-in nanny/made for a crazy widow and her 2 boys. Just call me mama Header. The boys do. Any way the list is as follows.

Wednesday: (Down Stairs)
Take family to the air port @ 7:00am
Sweep all floors
Mop all floors
Dust
Clean bathroom
Refrigerator–clean out & wash all shelves, drawers, etc
Clean out the pantry that hasn’t been cleaned since move in (Nov. 2005)
Organize cabinets which haven’t been cleaned since move in (Nov. 2005)
Wash Windows
Take out trash

Thursday: (Upstairs)
Sweep all floors
Mop all floors
Dust all rooms
Vacuum all rooms
Clean bathrooms
Wash all windows
Do ALL laundry (which consists of 3 hampers)
Clean out guest room closet which hasn’t been cleaned since move in (Nov. 2005)
Go through youngest son’s dressers sort, refold, etc.

**send out bills by Friday**

Friday: 
Go through oldest son’s dressers sort, refold, etc.
Clean out mom’s van which could possibly have dead animals in it

Saturday, Sunday, Monday = OFF!!!!! Yeaaah!

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday:
Catch up on whatever isn’t done!
Pick family up at 10:20pm @ Airport

It is now Tuesday, and you can see what has been done. With the lack of motivation I have ( I only get paid $200-$270/week) to basically do everything their mom should be doing, how do you expect me to get anything done?!

It is now 11:03pm where I am and I’ve decided to go ahead and try to knock a few more items off this impossible list. I know it looks like a harmless list, well if you saw this house you’d know why I say that. This house is impossible.

Until Later…

Spring is in the air!

Spring. Ahh the most amazing season. Especially in North Carolina. It is currently 72 degrees out and sunny, with a slight breeze. Aka PERFECT!

So why are you sitting inside writing in your blog?! I’m sure you’re wondering. Well the answer to that is simple. I have to clean. I am procrastinating. I know that if I go outside I won’t be coming back in anytime soon. So here I am. Inside. Writing. Not cleaning. Though if I wanted to, I know that I could have everything done for today done in about 2 hours.

Hmm, I think I’ve talked myself into getting my stuff done so I can enjoy the afternoon outside.

Ugh.

What do I want?!

• Friends I can run to when I need them and that will come to me without hesitation. Friends that I can go get breakfast, Lunch, dinner, desert, or coffee with for no reason.

• To fit into my fat jeans. Forget my skinny jeans I just want to fit into my 13s right now. Forget my 8s I’ll work on them some other time.

• To do something productive in my time off from the boys.
  • yoga/pilates
  • write
  • jog/walk
  • paint
  • color
• To be a better girlfriend to J
  • work on my patience
  •  send him little gifts/cards
  • work on jealousy
• To finally make a decision for myself regardless of what other people think is best for me.

If only this was the complete list. ♦

Story of my life as of lately

15 Ways to Help You Enjoy Life

15 Ways to Help You Enjoy Life — by Ro Paxman

1. Take a deep breath each morning and think of 10 things that you are grateful for, 10 things that you are happy about and 10 things that you are confident in. This meditation will help you start your day in a good mood.
2. Try something new the next time you grocery shop. You might find a fresh brand of crackers that are perfect with that low-fat cream cheese you have at home. You might find an interesting brand of chili sauce that is delightful on scrambled egg sandwiches. You might even discover a different flavor of juice. Open your eyes and see what is there for you.
3. Walk around your block and take photographs of small details that you usually overlook.
4. Read.
5. Sit on the couch (or porch or stoop or a bench) and have a quiet conversation with someone you enjoy.
6. Create something. There is nothing like using your creativity to increase your happiness-quota for the day. Just knowing that you have brought something – anything – to the world that didn’t previously exist, brings a sense of satisfaction.
7. Do something nice for someone.
8. Do something unexpectedly nice for someone.
9. Do something nice for someone that you feel might not deserve it.
10. Relax and realize that everyone should have nice things happen to them. You have just been part of making sure that something nice happened to one more individual.
11. Write (and send) a thank you note.
12. Sing.
13. Dance to music in commercials.
14. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m lovable, loving and loved.” And, mean it.
15. Thank God for everything He has blessed you with. It’s quite a lot, after all.